Jealousmate » Dating

Pathological jealousy in paranoid personality disorder

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 10:14:34 +0000

The serial bully’s concern of exposure is reminiscent of Paranoid Personality Disorder, a model of general distrust and suspicion of other people and their motives are translated as being malicious. They display an inability to trust and have uncertainties about other people’s loyalty.
They tend to distort things, misinterpret information and hold grudges.
Pathological jealousy, spontaneous aggressive reactions, the necessity to control and dominate others, and collecting insignificant or circumstantial “evidence” to confirm their jealous beliefs is also a feature of this condition.
The Diagnostic Criteria for Paranoid Personality Disorder are a general distrust and suspicion of others to such an extent that their motives are understood as being malevolent as indicated by at least four of the following statements:
1. suspects, without adequate proof, that other people are exploiting, hurting or betraying him or her
2. is obsessed with unreasonable doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or companions
3. is reluctant to trust iother people because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used against them in a malicious way
4. Interprets hidden humiliating or menacing meanings from harmless comments or events
5. Consistently holds grudges,for example is unforgiving of (imagined) insults, injuries or rebuffs
6. perceives assaults on his or her character or reputation that are not evident to others and is quick to respond angrily or to counter-attack
7. has continual suspicions, without basis, with regards to the faithfulness of their spouse or sexual partner

How to defeat jealousy and slay the green eyed monster

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 13:20:05 +0000

I am embarrassed to admit it but I used to be completely consumed by jealousy, wherever I went it was with me sbaotaging my relationships and making each day a living hell.

Jealousy posed itself as my protector and advisor, it was there to help me and to stop me from being hurt. It was the dictator of my actions and behaviour. It also had the uncanny ability to let me know what my partner was up to when I was not around. It would show me scenes in my mind where my partner was cheating on me . Wow, jealousy is powerful and all knowing, it’s just a shame that everything it was telling me was a work of fiction.

Did I believe what jealousy told me? Unfortunately I did I did and learned many painful lessons along the way. Eventually I had enough and decided that jealousy and I needed to part company as there was no part in my life for such a destructive and negative emotion.

That happenedlate in the day though,I was into my early forties by the time I was finally ready to do something about it.

My distrust and intolerable behavior when jealousy intervened paid the price in broken relationships, suffering and a damaging effect on my self-esteem and and sense of worthiness.

My experience of jealousy taught me a few things which may help youto claim control of your life and to banish its toxic influence for good.

Firstly make a decision to get rid of jealousy and tell yourself that you have had enough of being suspicious, distrusting and possessive.

Next when jealousy rears its ugly head and starts to babble negative and hurtful things start to find positive reactions and alternatives to what it is saying. For example,when your partner is on a night out with friends and jealousy tells you that she will cheat on you, tell jealousy that you know that is not true as you and your partner trust each other. If she were to cheat on you, remind yourself that you wouldn’t want someone like that in your life anyway and you could survive on your own if you had to.

Many people are jealous because they judge their partner by their own behaviour, itis therefore important to live by a good moral code.If you think it is ok to cheat on your partner, then you are going to believe that they will dothe same to you.

Jealousy freeds on insecurity and will do everything it can to tell you that your partner will abandon you, think about what a waste of time such negative thoughts are an try to focus on other things, it is true that your partner might abandon you, but is that really likely? especially If you strive to be a good and caring person, I mean if that werethe case why on earth would they want to?

Tell jealousy that you are the one in control and that you choose the thoughts which determine your behavior.

Have a little respect for yourself and know that you would be ok if your partner cheated on you, you’d get by and would meet someone else, it really wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Learn to trust and anticipate good things happening. One of the main reasons why we suffer is because we unconsciously expect bad things to happen.

Develop faith and confidence in yourself and your relationships,doing so will make your existing relationships stronger, you’ll feel at peace and life will be a great place to live in.

Communication is good too,explaining how you feel is a good thing and if you have worries (which are sound) then express them, but don’t challenge or argue aggressively

Learn how to listen without interrupting and judging your partner, be considerate of their feelings and resist the urge to probe. Allow them to talk and finish their sentences.Be sincere and honest and strive to be a good person.

Try to learn to love everyone including yourself unconditionally without any strings, bargains or threats. If youcan do this you will havea blessedlife and harmonious relationships.

Go on, give it a try!

Is my new boyfriend a jealous man?

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 11:17:04 +0000

One of the most difficult issues associated with dating is the unrestrained jealousy some men are inclined to display in their relationships. And jealousy is very hard to spot on the first or second date. You can look at the man and think he is amusing, handsome, prosperous in life and career – but you can never discover jealousy immediately.

A lot of men are very possessive but when combined with a lack of self confidence (generally the fear of losing a woman to somebody else), you will see the full extent of the destructive effects of jealousy. Some men don’t believe that they deserve to be in a relationship and therefore will use controlling tactics to make the woman feel insecure and to be dependent upon them.

Although uncontrollable jealousy can’t be noticed when you meet someone, there are dependable signs that can reveal more date, particularly if you start seeing each frequently. Some men will probably offer to pick you up from work or after school and although this can be a nice gesture, it can also be one of the first signs that they want complete control over your time and company. You might also be quizzed by your partner when you’re on the phone to a friend, this can be a good sign as it shows he has an interest in yourfriends and associates but it can also indicate jealousy, especially if he continually probes for details about the man on the phone.

A clear indicator of jealousy is when you tell your date that you went out with a male friend and and an argument ensues. All women should have at a few male friends, and if your date is envious or jealous about them there is a good chance that your new partner is going to be a problem in the future.

Many men with low self esteem develop jealousy problems. They believe that you will find someone better, so they go out of their way to involve themselves in your life and interests. You can never do enough to gain the trust of a jealous man and. even your dedication, love, passion and desire to be with him may will never be appreciated.

Warning signs of a jealous man

He keeps track of all your acquaintances and social outings.
He phones you constantly when you are out with friends

He tells you to dress more conservatively, wear little or no makeup when you are going out without him.

He insists on escorting you everywhere and wants to know where you are at all times.

He often turns up or at any other occasions where you are socializing hanging out with your friends.

He embarks on an argument every time you talk about a male friend or when you say something nice about a male friend.

He does not have any confidence and has self esteem issues.

He gets angry about small things.

He checks your mobile phone and your pockets

He starts spying on you and even stalking you.

There are many things that will show if your boyfriend has a problem with jealousy and it is in your interest to discover them before you end up in an abusive, destructive and possibly violent long term relationship.

Dating With Jealousy

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 07:27:02 +0000

David Butler asked:

Are you dating a person known to be jealous? Jealousy is one of the most destructive and painful emotions in a dating relationship. A jealous dater can think and do some whacky things he or she would not normally think of doing. That’s why overcoming jealousy when it crops up is so important. According to a North American survey of marriage counselors, 33% of all couples in marriage counseling have jealousy problems as a root issue. Since jealousy is a univesral emotion, I suspect European, Asian, African, South American Asian couples have similar dealings with jealousy.

Among Christian single couples, jealousy affects both traditional dating and courtship love relationships.

Many folks who are jealous daters also deal with being control freaks. Just what does it mean to be jealous? Webster’s Dictionary rightly defines jealousy as a “fearfulness or wariness of being replaced by a rival.” In a dating or romantic relationship, this means the jealous girlfriend or jealous guy suspects there is a rival for the affection or attention of their partner. The object of the dater’s jealousy could be an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, (the most frequent complaint) or other things such as the person’s children, job or even the family dog. (Don’t laugh about the dog, I once had a Family Court case related to this issue)

The problem with jealousy is that there are several kinds, which can get a little confusing. For example, there is God’s jealousy (Exodus 20:5), which is always holy, just, and desirous of others’ wellbeing. Then there is human jealousy, which often ends with disasterous results. Solomon writes of this kind in Song of Songs: “Jealousy is as cruel as the grave” (Sgs 8:6).

As sinners, we all need to learn how to cope with the human kind of jealousy, whether we experience it in our own hearts, or have others being jealous of us.

Most singles are able to control the acting out their jealous impulses. However, overcoming jealousy for others is almost impossible without God’s help. This form of jealousy is pathological, and could lead to the crimes of passion we often read about in the newspapers, or see in movies.

As a single Christian seeking true love in a relationship, it’s very important for your own dating safety to know some “red flag” signs of a pathologically jealous person.

Red Flags of Jealousy Out of Control

* The dating or courtship partner continually accuses the other of being unfaithful when there is no basis for him or her to think this way.

* The jealous person checks phone bills, emails or the cell phone directory to check the partner’s records of communication. They may even forbid their romantic partner to speak with certain members of the opposite sex.

* The jealous dating partner forbids (ie: orders) the other single dater what he or she can and cannot wear in public.

* The person with jealousy issues may go through the personal belongings of the other party looking for “evidence” of unfaithfulness

* The person with out-of-control jealousy may follow, or have one of their friends follow the other person to make sure they are being faithful. In extreme cases they may even ‘bug” the home using electronic equipment.

* The jealous party will keep tabs on their date by calling them constantly throughout the day. They may give an excuse (”I just missed you”) as to why they are calling so frequently, but in fact are distrustful of them.

* The jealous person may want to be with the other person 24/7, and if the other single resists, there may be a physcial or emotional outburst.

* The jealous dating partner forces the other to give account of all their free time away from them.

* The person with pathological jealousy may threaten to do physical harm to themselves or to their dating partner.

If you are a single Christian in any kind dating relationship where one or more of the above jealousy red flags exist, we recommend:

1. Lovingly communicating to your friend that they need professional help.

2. Consider getting out of the relationship as soon as you can to ensure your own safety. While you may be tempted to stay in an effort to change them, or the jealous partner may make an emotional promise of change, please don’t give in.

Overcoming Jealousy

Overcoming jealousy will be easier if you understand its origin. Ask yourself: “Do my feelings have a basis in fact (the behavior of the dating partner), or are they coming from my own insecurity?”

If there is actually something the other party is doing that is inciting you to be jealous, have a heart to heart discussion with them. Often, an honest exchange of feelings will solve the problem.

Understand that your jealous behavior may actually drive away your date, the very thing you feared might happen

Admit you have a problem and seek guidance from trusted freinds who know your situation, and/or an understanding Christian counselor or minister.

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