But it never lasts. Somewhere down the road you decide this person is not for you or they decide that they cannot deal with you anymore. You have never lost the positive attributes which make it easy for you to get a date but there is another characteristic that makes building and maintaining the dating relationship a losing battle.

Jealousy can be an all consuming emotion. It can distort your perception to the reality in front of you like few things in this world. You go out on a date and your significant other sees someone they went to college with. They have not seen each other in a couple of years. They greet each other warmly but nothing over the top in fact your date goes out of their way to not only introduce you but make you an active participant in the conversation. There is no exchange if phone numbers or addresses; street or email. They met, reminisced and moved on.

No sweat right? Not to the jealous mind. Something tells you this whole thing was planned. It’s just too much of coincidence that your date met someone they have not seen in years. Now the green eyed monster takes over and starts filling you with doubts, anxiety, fear and conspiracy theories. All wrapped up in neat bundle of rage.

Now comes the cross examination which you have turned into an art form. None of their answers satisfy you. From there the distrust for your dating partner starts to grow. Every time they see someone they know or talk on the telephone or are a couple of minutes late, the jealousy gets that much stronger.

There will be no more suffering in silence as far as you are concerned. They brought this on themselves and you will not be made a fool of. Your intensity gets more intense and constant. Some of your dating partners have argued back at you before calling it quits. Others just flat out disappear because they cannot bring themselves to tell you how much you have hurt them. The sad part is more than a few were ready and one hundred percent committed to building a relationship with you before your jealousy took over.

You may reflect on these broke relationships from time to time but the green eyed monster always gives you the “correct” answer: It’s always their fault. But no one in a dating relationship can be right all the time. If you are alone again for the same reasons as always, then it may dawn on you eventually that the person looking back at you from the mirror should take a major portion of the blame.

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How to figure out that your jealousy is potentially hazardous?

If you see your partner talking to someone else, does your imagination run into overdrive?

Do you feel inadequate compared to other women/men?

Have you become a slave to your negative thinking, often visualizing your partner cheating on you?

Are you constantly comparing yourself with other people?

Do you often accuse your partner of cheating on you or lying?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, your jealousy has turned toxic. However, its not too late. Once you realize that jealousy is a problem and decide to overcome it; you can make a fresh start and find happiness in your relationship.

Causes of Jealousy

Low self-esteem

Jealousy is the offspring of low self esteem. You feel jealous of others when you feel that you lack the qualities that others have. Jealousy makes you concentrate on your flaws and overlook your positive attributes. The reasons for low self-esteem are generally rooted in ones past.

Resentment

Resenting other people their good fortune, looks or mannerisms leads to a feeling of burning jealousy. Resentment means blaming life, God or your luck (whatever you believe in) for your lack of something. It means an inability to take self-responsibility. Prolonged resentment can make you a bitter person, stuck in the abyss of jealousy.

Fear of abandonment arising from the past

Sometimes past hurts leave such a deep impression on our subconscious that we are unable to let go of the associated hurtful memories. Incidents or events of childhood especially are responsible for shaping our behavior. For instance, a child who loses his/her parent(s) at an early age or is witness to his/her parents divorce is more likely to grow up with a fear of abandonment. These children may come to terms with their situation after a few years, but somewhere within, the fear of abandonment keeps gnawing at them. Such individuals tend to be extremely jealous in relationships.

How to overcome jealousy?

Positive affirmations

Positive affirmations can go a long way in forming and strengthening new self beliefs. Whatever you hear about yourself repeatedly becomes your belief. For instance if you have always been told that you are fat, no matter how thin you are youll start seeing yourself as fat. Similarly if you tell yourself repeatedly that you are a happy and secure person, with time, it will become your belief. Make up your own affirmations or practice the following in front of a mirror everyday:

I love and accept myself the way I am

I feel secure and happy in all my relationships

I trust life to bring the best to me

I love myself and release all my hurtful past memories

Hypnosis

Sometimes your past hurt maybe so deep rooted that you might require professional help to release your traumatic memories. Clinical hypnosis may be helpful is some cases. If you do decide to undertake this therapy a trained practitioner can induce a hypnotic state and delve into your subconscious mind. All your past memories whether you remember them consciously or not are filed somewhere in your subconscious. The therapist will be able to access these memories, bring you face to face with them and help you release all the associated negative feelings.

Psychotherapy

You can also opt for psychotherapy or psychoanalysis. A trained psychologist or psychiatrist can help you understand your feelings and emotions and help you overcome your jealousy with counseling, therapeutic modalities, and sometimes medication.

Once you learn to let go of jealousy you will realize how fulfilling and loving your relationship can be. Remember, blaming someones actions or behavior for your jealousy or resentment would mean giving up the power to transform your life. The moment you admit that you have a problem you also admit that you have the power to get rid of it.

www.boomeryearbook.com is a social networking site connecting the Baby Boomer generation. Share your thoughts, rediscover old friends, or expand your mind with brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join today to discover the many ways we are helping Boomers connect for fun and profit.

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