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12 Responses to “Do you think councelling will help my jealousy issues?”
Why waste your time and money in counselling where you know exactly what you should do…BUILD UP YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE. If your bf end up cheating on you with those pretty girls around him then it would be him who will carry the burden and not you. Take it as a challenge to you and to him…if he can resist those pretty girls then proven he’s worth keeping but if not DUMP HIM for he’s worthless and better to know him now than later.
Sure. I think that it can if you find a good counselor and get to the bottom of your deep rooted issues. Jealousy stems from insecurities and often a low self esteem. You don’t believe that you are worth someone loving and being faithful to you. You don’t believe that you have enough to offer a person to make them want to stay with you. I’m sure that these feelings developed before your ex and have probably stemmed from childhood. Possibly abandonment issues, or comments that may have been made, etc. You do need to take action. I am a wife of a very jealous man and I know the effects that it can have on a person. You will eventually convince your partner that you are not worthy and he will end up doing the exact thing that you fear. You need to become strong and confident in who you are. Sure something could still happen, but at least you would be strong enough to know that it’s not the end of the world and that your insecurities didn’t play a role in leading to it. Good Luck!
yes, I truly believe in councelling. In school, we learn ancient history, geography etc…but we don’t learn the most important thing in life, and that is to identify our emotions and have the tools to deal with them. This man in your life, is only one part of your like, important, I’ll admit, but if anything were to go wrong in this relationship, you have to have the tools to deal with it. Keep your good friends around, do other things too, that are important to you, an interesting course that you like, or exercise club, or volunteering, what you will be interested in doing. It doesn’t take away from your relationship,but it adds to it.
Since you’ve already identified and acknowledged your fault, I think counseling/therapy will work well for you. Just be sure you are comfortable with the therapist. They’re just people so sometimes you need to change if things don’t click, I know you’ll do fine and live a much calmer life,,,,,,,,,,,,,probably even truer for your boyfriend.
“For the mind in harmony with the Tao all selfishness disappears
With not even a trace of self-doubt, you can trust the universe completely.
All at once you are free, with nothing left to hold on to.
All is empty, brilliant, perfect in its own being.”
from Mind of Absolute Trust
It is hard for us to trust. We’ve been let down by others, disappointed, and betrayed. We are vulnerable and our heart has been broken many times. So it’s easy to contract and build a fortress against the cruelty and meanness of the world. We may cultivate a sophisticated cynicism that prides itself in our stubbornness, determined to never allow anyone to make a fool out of us again.
Zen training is hard because we are so stubborn. We resist opening and staying with what is. Our conditioning is very strong. But the self we are trying to protect is an illusion, a house built of sand that will not stand. It will not buoy us up when life’s difficulties come knocking on our door.
A mind in harmony with the Tao is without self. We learn how to do this by persisting in our commitment to the dharma. Such persistence doesn’t wear us out by forcing us into a tight corner as stubbornness does. It teaches us how to walk in the dark without fear. Like a donkey on a treacherous mountain path, we can find our footing in the cracks of life where ambiguity is the only light to be seen.
Our conditioning is based on fear and lack of trust. We contract when confronted with pain. There are so many ways to be distracted from remaining on the razor’s edge of our life. Rilke has a poem about this called, “Sometimes a Man Stands up During Supper”
“Sometimes a man stands up during supper
And walks outdoors, and keeps on walking,
Because of a church that stands somewhere in the East.
And his children say blessings on him as if he were dead.
And another man, who remains inside his own house,
Dies there, inside the dishes and in the glasses,
So that his children have to go far out into the world
Toward that same church, which he forgot.”
A life not fully tested is a sad one of wasted potential. It remains a life that does not venture out to risk failure, but instead constructs a cocoon of habits around itself made up of comfortable clichés and abstractions. The room is stuffy and claustrophobic. The weird, flickering spasms of T.V. light fill the room to ward off death for another sleepless night.
Zen training turns off the T.V. set, opens the windows to let in some fresh air, and rips up our comfortable newspaper clippings that we have been saving. It sits us down in an empty room with nothing to hold onto. Here we begin to learn how to trust what is fundamental and elemental. Like a great red wood tree in an old growth forest, we become unshakable. Our attention does not wander or stray. We remain. We stay. We breathe. This is how we learn to trust our experience as it is.
When we trust in this way, we develop a proper relationship to things. We appreciate the simple things, tools, cups, baskets, and socks. We know where to look and are not easily distracted. Sitting helps our resolve to continue in this way and the quality of our attention teaches us how to bear witness when what arises is unknown, threatening or frightening.
Producing a particular result is not the point. Simply being here is. When we live our life in this way, we value our intentions and vows, rather than our opinions and judgments. Trusting the Tao, the universe will lead us were we need to go. The path may be convoluted, and windy, but we are surprised, looking back, how high we have climbed. The view is breath taking, panoramic and spacious. Here we are not concerned about winning or losing. We are at home in our own skin and at ease with the universe.
And the church we went searching for in the east is not where we thought it would be. It’s where we are now. If we’re in a valley, it’s not on the mountain. If we’re on a mountain, it’s not in the valley. Trust this and you will find your way. You will learn how to sing your life’s song with confidence and unerring accuracy.
163 N. Humphrey Ave., Oak Park, IL 60302 , Phone: 708-445-1651
Youve admitted it so thats the first step, now you need to learn to control it, counselling might be your thing, might not be (everyone is different in these things) are you pretty good at being in control in other areas of your life? if you are then u can probably train yourself to control this area..
I hate to say it but jealousy is a very ugly feeling/ emotion – you probably already know this though! Confidence to me is so so so sexy in a guy or girl, you need to just start thinking to yourself well he’s with me & he’s coming home to me every night he obviously cares about you a lot/ loves you and has chosen you – you cant control the future, if its meant to be it will be, if its not then it wont, just enjoy what you have while you have it..
have u always been insecure?
I would suggest trying to become friends with these girls anyway, if he spends a lot of time with them and obviously gets along well with them, why not have a bbq or something and have them round so u can get to know them also..
goodluck with it, but please stop being jealous, it will only hurt you and him..
These feelings that your having speaks volumes of the way you feel about yourself. This has nothing really to do with your boyfriend and the other woman out there. it has to do with your self esteem and how you feel about yourself. Yes, I think good counceling might help you with those issues. looks aren’t really that important. it’s the kind of person you are inside. Is the boyfriend picking up on these feelings your having?? And is he using it to his advantage to see if he can get a rise out of you?? if he’s doing that, then he has issues with himself also!!! But YES>>>go get counceling on this matter. It’s just an issue with self esteem. you seem to think that LOOKS are an important part of who a person is?? Thats not true. It’s the insides that matter. Not the outsides!!!! I’ve seen A LOT of pretty people out there with really shitty personalities!!!!! And I’ve seen people out there who aren’t that great looking, but there personality makes you want to love them!!!!! SO>>>Looks really don’t count for much!!
Dating Advice
Counseling will help only if you’re willing to work at it.
Why waste your time and money in counselling where you know exactly what you should do…BUILD UP YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE. If your bf end up cheating on you with those pretty girls around him then it would be him who will carry the burden and not you. Take it as a challenge to you and to him…if he can resist those pretty girls then proven he’s worth keeping but if not DUMP HIM for he’s worthless and better to know him now than later.
Sure. I think that it can if you find a good counselor and get to the bottom of your deep rooted issues. Jealousy stems from insecurities and often a low self esteem. You don’t believe that you are worth someone loving and being faithful to you. You don’t believe that you have enough to offer a person to make them want to stay with you. I’m sure that these feelings developed before your ex and have probably stemmed from childhood. Possibly abandonment issues, or comments that may have been made, etc. You do need to take action. I am a wife of a very jealous man and I know the effects that it can have on a person. You will eventually convince your partner that you are not worthy and he will end up doing the exact thing that you fear. You need to become strong and confident in who you are. Sure something could still happen, but at least you would be strong enough to know that it’s not the end of the world and that your insecurities didn’t play a role in leading to it. Good Luck!
yes, I truly believe in councelling. In school, we learn ancient history, geography etc…but we don’t learn the most important thing in life, and that is to identify our emotions and have the tools to deal with them. This man in your life, is only one part of your like, important, I’ll admit, but if anything were to go wrong in this relationship, you have to have the tools to deal with it. Keep your good friends around, do other things too, that are important to you, an interesting course that you like, or exercise club, or volunteering, what you will be interested in doing. It doesn’t take away from your relationship,but it adds to it.
Since you’ve already identified and acknowledged your fault, I think counseling/therapy will work well for you. Just be sure you are comfortable with the therapist. They’re just people so sometimes you need to change if things don’t click, I know you’ll do fine and live a much calmer life,,,,,,,,,,,,,probably even truer for your boyfriend.
It will help, give it a try.
as a counselor myself, let me say if you put into it you will get results.
TRUST
by Sensei Robert Joshin Althouse (c) 2006
“For the mind in harmony with the Tao all selfishness disappears
With not even a trace of self-doubt, you can trust the universe completely.
All at once you are free, with nothing left to hold on to.
All is empty, brilliant, perfect in its own being.”
from Mind of Absolute Trust
It is hard for us to trust. We’ve been let down by others, disappointed, and betrayed. We are vulnerable and our heart has been broken many times. So it’s easy to contract and build a fortress against the cruelty and meanness of the world. We may cultivate a sophisticated cynicism that prides itself in our stubbornness, determined to never allow anyone to make a fool out of us again.
Zen training is hard because we are so stubborn. We resist opening and staying with what is. Our conditioning is very strong. But the self we are trying to protect is an illusion, a house built of sand that will not stand. It will not buoy us up when life’s difficulties come knocking on our door.
A mind in harmony with the Tao is without self. We learn how to do this by persisting in our commitment to the dharma. Such persistence doesn’t wear us out by forcing us into a tight corner as stubbornness does. It teaches us how to walk in the dark without fear. Like a donkey on a treacherous mountain path, we can find our footing in the cracks of life where ambiguity is the only light to be seen.
Our conditioning is based on fear and lack of trust. We contract when confronted with pain. There are so many ways to be distracted from remaining on the razor’s edge of our life. Rilke has a poem about this called, “Sometimes a Man Stands up During Supper”
“Sometimes a man stands up during supper
And walks outdoors, and keeps on walking,
Because of a church that stands somewhere in the East.
And his children say blessings on him as if he were dead.
And another man, who remains inside his own house,
Dies there, inside the dishes and in the glasses,
So that his children have to go far out into the world
Toward that same church, which he forgot.”
A life not fully tested is a sad one of wasted potential. It remains a life that does not venture out to risk failure, but instead constructs a cocoon of habits around itself made up of comfortable clichés and abstractions. The room is stuffy and claustrophobic. The weird, flickering spasms of T.V. light fill the room to ward off death for another sleepless night.
Zen training turns off the T.V. set, opens the windows to let in some fresh air, and rips up our comfortable newspaper clippings that we have been saving. It sits us down in an empty room with nothing to hold onto. Here we begin to learn how to trust what is fundamental and elemental. Like a great red wood tree in an old growth forest, we become unshakable. Our attention does not wander or stray. We remain. We stay. We breathe. This is how we learn to trust our experience as it is.
When we trust in this way, we develop a proper relationship to things. We appreciate the simple things, tools, cups, baskets, and socks. We know where to look and are not easily distracted. Sitting helps our resolve to continue in this way and the quality of our attention teaches us how to bear witness when what arises is unknown, threatening or frightening.
Producing a particular result is not the point. Simply being here is. When we live our life in this way, we value our intentions and vows, rather than our opinions and judgments. Trusting the Tao, the universe will lead us were we need to go. The path may be convoluted, and windy, but we are surprised, looking back, how high we have climbed. The view is breath taking, panoramic and spacious. Here we are not concerned about winning or losing. We are at home in our own skin and at ease with the universe.
And the church we went searching for in the east is not where we thought it would be. It’s where we are now. If we’re in a valley, it’s not on the mountain. If we’re on a mountain, it’s not in the valley. Trust this and you will find your way. You will learn how to sing your life’s song with confidence and unerring accuracy.
163 N. Humphrey Ave., Oak Park, IL 60302 , Phone: 708-445-1651
Youve admitted it so thats the first step, now you need to learn to control it, counselling might be your thing, might not be (everyone is different in these things) are you pretty good at being in control in other areas of your life? if you are then u can probably train yourself to control this area..
he obviously cares about you a lot/ loves you and has chosen you – you cant control the future, if its meant to be it will be, if its not then it wont, just enjoy what you have while you have it.. 
I hate to say it but jealousy is a very ugly feeling/ emotion – you probably already know this though! Confidence to me is so so so sexy in a guy or girl, you need to just start thinking to yourself well he’s with me & he’s coming home to me every night
have u always been insecure?
I would suggest trying to become friends with these girls anyway, if he spends a lot of time with them and obviously gets along well with them, why not have a bbq or something and have them round so u can get to know them also..
goodluck with it, but please stop being jealous, it will only hurt you and him..
, find u a big fat ugly man for a bf, that way if something does happen, what did u lose
These feelings that your having speaks volumes of the way you feel about yourself. This has nothing really to do with your boyfriend and the other woman out there. it has to do with your self esteem and how you feel about yourself. Yes, I think good counceling might help you with those issues. looks aren’t really that important. it’s the kind of person you are inside. Is the boyfriend picking up on these feelings your having?? And is he using it to his advantage to see if he can get a rise out of you?? if he’s doing that, then he has issues with himself also!!! But YES>>>go get counceling on this matter. It’s just an issue with self esteem. you seem to think that LOOKS are an important part of who a person is?? Thats not true. It’s the insides that matter. Not the outsides!!!! I’ve seen A LOT of pretty people out there with really shitty personalities!!!!! And I’ve seen people out there who aren’t that great looking, but there personality makes you want to love them!!!!! SO>>>Looks really don’t count for much!!
If you suspect your spouse of cheating on you, you’ll want to read this