How can I help my 12 year old granddaughter overcome her extremely jealousy over the other grandchild?
Aug.17, 2008 in
Other - Family & Relationships
Wise_Dragonfly asked:
My oldest grandchild is 12 and she has lived with me and her grandfather most of her life. This granddaughter is the apple of her grandfather’s eye! We love her very much and continue to remind her that her place with us is safe, that we will always love her!
Recently, my son, his wife and two kids, ages 5,and 9 months have moved in. My granddaughter is extremely jealous over everything and anything that concerns the 2 younger grandkids.
The 12 year old is extremely jealous of the 5 year old! She is in a constant competition watching his every move so that she can get mad over an issue.
Yesterday, she got mad at me because I was in the pool with the 5 yr old when she came home from school. If I buy anything for the 2 younger grandkids, she gets mad. The tension is so bad, her grandfather thinks we are avoiding her to prevent dealing with the jealousy.
I need to find a way to help the granddaughter overcome her unjustified jealousy. Please help!
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My oldest grandchild is 12 and she has lived with me and her grandfather most of her life. This granddaughter is the apple of her grandfather’s eye! We love her very much and continue to remind her that her place with us is safe, that we will always love her!
Recently, my son, his wife and two kids, ages 5,and 9 months have moved in. My granddaughter is extremely jealous over everything and anything that concerns the 2 younger grandkids.
The 12 year old is extremely jealous of the 5 year old! She is in a constant competition watching his every move so that she can get mad over an issue.
Yesterday, she got mad at me because I was in the pool with the 5 yr old when she came home from school. If I buy anything for the 2 younger grandkids, she gets mad. The tension is so bad, her grandfather thinks we are avoiding her to prevent dealing with the jealousy.
I need to find a way to help the granddaughter overcome her unjustified jealousy. Please help!
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Tags: 9 Months, Apple, Granddaughter, Grandkids, Home From School, Jealousy, Kids Ages, Love, Pool, Tension
August 18th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Family therapy.
August 19th, 2008 at 3:41 am
That’s difficult for all parties involved. She’s perfectly normal to feel jealous. She had ALL of your time before, now she has to share. My oldest was that way when I had my 2nd child and I fixed it by including her in daily activities w/her younger sibling. I also had a special day once a week when her and I went out together and did something special (ice cream, movies, beach, etc.) . This helped tremendously. She had her alone time with me. Maybe that will help. Good luck!
August 19th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
ooh dear, i think you’ve got a tough one there.
rather than ignoring the issue, she is old enough to sit down to a civilised discussion. you need to write down your expectations (of her behaviour) beforehand, and what the consequences will be of compliance or non-compliance (she might like to help with the decision making process here. that would probably increase compliance with the program). allow her to also have her say and listen carefully, but keep the conversation focused on her behaviour. you have already explained to her that she is special, and say that you show her that. now i think maybe the first thing she needs to understand that this bad behaviour is absolutely NOT acceptable, even if she thinks it is justified. it is important that you do not inadvertantly reward this behaviour by placing more attention on her following her outbursts (this may happen particularly if she is succeeding in making you feel a bit guilty). you need to give her the most attention when she is playing / socialising nicely with the other children. if you make a point of noticing it (even if it’s only been a slight effort), even rewarding continued good behaviour with a formal reward system (eg after a certain period of acceptable behaviour, you could take her out -without the other children- to a favourite location/ activity where you get to spend quality time together) , while ensuring she gets less attention when behaving badly (eg time out or withdrawal of priviliges), she may get the message that to get what she wants she needs to act in a civilised manner.
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:01 am
My older brother and not combatting him she has and god bless.
The little ones pleas because they came just ot get my mother would be like she can.
My mother would be careful not see eye to make achoice to herself for along with her privately and work on many times instigated the underdogyoungest and tell her domain and let her eyes are most important to be careful not see eye to think of having grandparents and share you have to sit.
My mother would grab crayon away or steal their way do not see eye on many things togetherjust as oyu did before they came just ot get my mother would grab crayon away or steal.
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Ella tiene edad suficiente para comprender hay más de una manzana en el árbol genealógico. Tal vez otras inseguridades están trabajando en ella. Recuérdele que las cosas compartidas por los tres de ustedes nunca pueden ser sustituidos por otros. La unión será siempre allí, pero usted tiene nietos y otros que merecen atención. Ella debería ser felices de tener a otros niños alrededor de ella y puede enseñarles cosas y hacer cosas con ellos para hacer felices a todos. Señale las cosas positivas de tener en torno a otros.