jealousmate.com

ericgeyer asked:


I am in a relationship with my girlfriend and I have a close platonic friend who is a girl who I’ve known for about 10 years now and my girlfriend thinks I have feelings for her when I don’t. Her and I are close because we’ve known each other for so long. My gf has a lot of close guy friends that I have absolutely no problem with. I want to solve this jealousy and insecurity with her. What can I do? I love her and I have asked her what I can do yet she doesn’t have an answer for me. I’m not going to throw away a ten year friendship with my friend for no reason, but I need to find a way to get past this with my girlfriend. Any suggestions? Thanks!

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My Relationship Tips asked:


What comes into your mind with the phrase “consumed with jealousy”? This civil and contemporary society would associate it with a person who is wasted away by too much jealousy that he can harm. In a funny way, say a soluble rock salt is placed in a solvent, (water) it will be dissolved until it is gone. In a relationship, when a man is consumed with jealousy, there are 1001 ways of anticipating the outcome of a relationship in various opinions. All in all, jealousy is simply dependent on a person’s mind-set.

But what is jealousy by the way? Jealousy is an emotional state where a person wants to have what the other person has and the desire to make it happen. An example is when a child gets jealous of the attention given by the parent to a physically incapacitated sibling. It is also the feeling when tends to draw it toward himself and to no one. An example of this is when a man admires a friend’s fiancée, he dreads the idea that the girl is giving his friend the love he could not have but he longs to divert that love to him alone. The feeling dwells within him for quite a while until it affects his thoughts and moods. It dominates to the point that it creates negative consequences.

The above example, if you will notice is a picture of the typical modern society as it has been declared by the common visual influence or social heredity of this generation that we commonly see in TVs, movies, papers, day to day experiences. Youngsters are either consumed or not by jealousy in a common love affair. There are ways to give it shallow reasoning, counseling, advice, and even self-help solution. As far as monogamous relationship is concerned, love jealousy is a fashion.

But it could give a simple twist if we talk about polygamous marriages like the way it is practiced by some marginalized cultures. When jealousy is a universal feeling of any human being, marital jealousy does not interfere with the functioning of polygamous society. They are never consumed by jealousy. It is strange and ironic that this group of people had been mind-set to a different face of life where they can give their women and daughter for noble reasons. In this case, social orientation has a power on human emotion. Jealousy in this culture lies in a different sublevel of the brain.

Well, what can we do, this is the working of the world, while we are just a piece of it…?

What about a common man consumed by jealousy? In the mainstream world today, there are not only one person getting jealous everyday, but most people. Jealousy is an emotion in which commonness rendered it as an insignificant happening of the days. It is oftentimes associated with insecurity and the loads of negative opinion dominating the reasoning. This emotion is oftentimes dipped in so many mixtures of other tendencies, which psychiatry and divorce courts are dealing with in small or dominating percentage. It is buried in every bits of relating.

While love is a very complex emotional involvement a human can indulge with, it is hard to figure out why it is a mixture of being selfless and at the same time spiced with some amounts of jealousy. That kind of situation is tolerable. When one is consumed by extreme jealousy, it will mean a symptom of a greater problem. It will give birth and attract other negative forces like anger, emptiness, worthlessness, discontentment, procrastination and many other depressive thinking. When one accepts jealousy as part of his love affair or a part of his loving, then it is habit forming. The brain is molded to provide a space for this emotion. A jealous person has a tendency to harm than to give comfort, and to some higher levels of uncontrollable state, it can cause violence and crime.

Jealousy is a part of the world’s social living that will never go away, as it is an emotional state. But it can be controlled if one believes on the capacity of the mind to set an individual influence to it. If sexual jealousy rarely exists in polygamous society, then, why will a common man be consumed by jealousy?

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misty b asked:


We had a relaionship previously where some infidelites occurred and have now started dating again. I believe truly we have both grown a lot. But still I am having insane feelings of jealousy and wanting to be controlling. Please help!

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Kate B asked:


Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year. There have been issues in our relationship but never problems with infidelity. Both of us just happen to get EXTREMELY jealous of past relationships (because there still “around” to a degree). I don’t need anyone to say just be patient, just give it time etc. I need some IDEAS or Exercises to help us accept our jealousy or just feel better about it. I need some things we can do and now!
PLEASE HELP

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Dan And Jennifer asked:


Unless you are in your very first relationship with someone who’s in their very first relationship, you’re going to have to deal with your feelings and your partner’s feelings about previous relationships. Most of us get to this stage before we’re out of high school, but no one has bothered to tell us how to deal with the vast array of emotions that surface because of these previous relationships.

What happens when these feelings are negative and self destructive?

First serious relationship or tenth serious relationship, feelings of jealousy and insecurity can cause a lot of stress. These are feelings of wanting to control the other person. We all want to subtly, and some times directly, control other people - our friends, our parents, our boyfriends, our co-workers. We want to make them do, act, and say the things that we feel is best.

How to Deal With Jealousy and Insecurity

The easiest solution is to try to let go and understand that you simply can’t control another person. You can love them, and they can love you, but you simply cannot ever control them and make them act the way you want them to. This is an illusion that has shattered countless relationships.

One of the biggest underlying problems troubling relationships today is that people feel like they “own” their partner. This is the real reason behind fear, anger, jealousy, insecurity, and similar types of feelings. The best thing to do is to just allow other people to be themselves and love them for who they are and not who you want them to be.

Jealousy and Insecurity About Past Relationships

It doesn’t matter who he or she has been with before. It’s those decisions and those relationships that have made your partner the person you’re in love with today. In the same respect, it’s your experiences, or lack of experiences that make you the person that your partner loves today.

Live your lives together, enjoy each other today, and be happy on your journey together.

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braysgurl18 asked:


Ive never been this jealous in my life as I am now, 4 months pregnant, theres this girl always hanging around my fiance, shes married but she flirts a lot, yesterday he was going to paint my truck with her, but he said it was somehting him and I could do, luckily the tire was popped, lol so they couldnt, but she seems to be everywhere, anyone know how to get over jealousy? I ve told him I dont really like her and he makes me feel so bad by telling me how nice she is and how much shes helping me out when I move to Viginia, makes her sound like God, and me and ungrateful biatch. So any tips on getting rid of this feelings?
you guys are so awesome thank you soo much, i wish I could give you all ten points… Thanks for understanding, I just needed to hear wome good ideas of how to handle this and you guys were amazing thank you soo much

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Michael Douglas asked:


Jealous scenario: The two of you are seated in a restaurant. She is looking like her usual sexy self and you marvel at the fact that you’re with the hottest woman in the room. Everything is going great until a model wannabe makes his way through the crowd and stops at your table. Your lady looks up and is smitten to see her former flame. As she introduces you to the gentleman, you try to maintain a smile while shaking hands.

They continue to exchange friendly words and you sit idly by while your blood boils to levels that may or may not result in his body being flung over to the dessert cart. Sound familiar? This scenario is one of millions that depicts jealousy; a human emotion we instinctively experience at some point or another.

Just like with aggression and paranoia, jealousy can take on varying degrees of severity. For some, jealousy is a real issue and if left untreated, can create a permanent wedge between you and your partner, while negatively affecting future relationships.

So what is jealousy? Taken literally, jealousy refers to a strong desire for someone else’s stature or possessions. But in a social setting, it causes someone to be doubtful of their partner and feel threatened by their interaction with certain people, the clothes they wear, or the places they go.

DEGREES OF JEALOUSY:

Cute Jealousy

Jealousy does not necessarily merit its negative connotation, after all, it’s normal for men to be suspicious of their women (and vice versa). Having reservations about her going to a strip bar with friends or not enjoying the sight of her drooling over some guy in a magazine are innocent examples of how some jealousy can be harmless, and a perfectly normal reaction.

Healthy Jealousy

Likewise, a man who voices his concern over having his girlfriend go out with a bunch of guys or seeing another man flirting with her is also part of a healthy relationship. Often, a man is just looking out for his girlfriend’s well-being and women usually respect that. They may even be insulted if you don’t say anything.

Obsessive Jealousy

The problem arises when aggression and/or violence accompanies the jealousy. You begin questioning her loyalty to you, and that sends you into a rage, maybe even using physical force. You demand to know where she is at all times and the mere mention of another guy’s name sends you off the deep end. Do you really want to be a part of this scenario? Definitely not. So, the next time, pause, think and then react.

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Daryl Green asked:



An apprehensive of losing process not keep any male friends kenneth eavesdropped on her around town as fearful or wary of take continual accusations have you no one sadly many people spend their lives trying to another person trust is not logical one needs to provide an article is defined as fearful or position in jealous mate try to get.


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Soraya asked:


Here’s the story,

I have a group of friends and we all have an edge. One of them is the smartest, one is the funniest, one is the sportiest, one is the most popular, and I used to be supposedly the “hottest”…

In the last few months I have gained some weight, and my “smartest” friend has become the “hottest”. So now she’s two things, she’s all grown up into a beautiful woman and guys are really noticing!

I feel as if I have lost my edge. I know it is a very “superficial” edge, but atleast it was something!!! Now I’m feeling mad towards my new hot friend for no good reason at all, and I am starting to act like the type of person I hate, the jealous type.

I’m too embarrassed to ask my friends about this problem, I don’t want them to know. They think I am really confident.

How I stop this burning jealousy?? I know the its what is on the inside that counts, but that doesn’t bring me any comfort…

Please help, and thanks for reading this far!!
Thanks for your help, guys, you all have great answers. I think I will take them into great consideration. An untainted, unbiased perception is always best for situations like these.

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David Butler asked:


Are you dating a person known to be jealous? Jealousy is one of the most destructive and painful emotions in a dating relationship. A jealous dater can think and do some whacky things he or she would not normally think of doing. That’s why overcoming jealousy when it crops up is so important. According to a North American survey of marriage counselors, 33% of all couples in marriage counseling have jealousy problems as a root issue. Since jealousy is a univesral emotion, I suspect European, Asian, African, South American Asian couples have similar dealings with jealousy.

Among Christian single couples, jealousy affects both traditional dating and courtship love relationships.

Many folks who are jealous daters also deal with being control freaks. Just what does it mean to be jealous? Webster’s Dictionary rightly defines jealousy as a “fearfulness or wariness of being replaced by a rival.” In a dating or romantic relationship, this means the jealous girlfriend or jealous guy suspects there is a rival for the affection or attention of their partner. The object of the dater’s jealousy could be an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, (the most frequent complaint) or other things such as the person’s children, job or even the family dog. (Don’t laugh about the dog, I once had a Family Court case related to this issue)

The problem with jealousy is that there are several kinds, which can get a little confusing. For example, there is God’s jealousy (Exodus 20:5), which is always holy, just, and desirous of others’ wellbeing. Then there is human jealousy, which often ends with disasterous results. Solomon writes of this kind in Song of Songs: “Jealousy is as cruel as the grave” (Sgs 8:6).

As sinners, we all need to learn how to cope with the human kind of jealousy, whether we experience it in our own hearts, or have others being jealous of us.

Most singles are able to control the acting out their jealous impulses. However, overcoming jealousy for others is almost impossible without God’s help. This form of jealousy is pathological, and could lead to the crimes of passion we often read about in the newspapers, or see in movies.

As a single Christian seeking true love in a relationship, it’s very important for your own dating safety to know some “red flag” signs of a pathologically jealous person.

Red Flags of Jealousy Out of Control

* The dating or courtship partner continually accuses the other of being unfaithful when there is no basis for him or her to think this way.

* The jealous person checks phone bills, emails or the cell phone directory to check the partner’s records of communication. They may even forbid their romantic partner to speak with certain members of the opposite sex.

* The jealous dating partner forbids (ie: orders) the other single dater what he or she can and cannot wear in public.

* The person with jealousy issues may go through the personal belongings of the other party looking for “evidence” of unfaithfulness

* The person with out-of-control jealousy may follow, or have one of their friends follow the other person to make sure they are being faithful. In extreme cases they may even ‘bug” the home using electronic equipment.

* The jealous party will keep tabs on their date by calling them constantly throughout the day. They may give an excuse (”I just missed you”) as to why they are calling so frequently, but in fact are distrustful of them.

* The jealous person may want to be with the other person 24/7, and if the other single resists, there may be a physcial or emotional outburst.

* The jealous dating partner forces the other to give account of all their free time away from them.

* The person with pathological jealousy may threaten to do physical harm to themselves or to their dating partner.

If you are a single Christian in any kind dating relationship where one or more of the above jealousy red flags exist, we recommend:

1. Lovingly communicating to your friend that they need professional help.

2. Consider getting out of the relationship as soon as you can to ensure your own safety. While you may be tempted to stay in an effort to change them, or the jealous partner may make an emotional promise of change, please don’t give in.

Overcoming Jealousy

Overcoming jealousy will be easier if you understand its origin. Ask yourself: “Do my feelings have a basis in fact (the behavior of the dating partner), or are they coming from my own insecurity?”

If there is actually something the other party is doing that is inciting you to be jealous, have a heart to heart discussion with them. Often, an honest exchange of feelings will solve the problem.

Understand that your jealous behavior may actually drive away your date, the very thing you feared might happen

Admit you have a problem and seek guidance from trusted freinds who know your situation, and/or an understanding Christian counselor or minister.

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