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Relationship Advice For Overcoming Jealousy

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 14:13:24 +0000

Relationship coaches tell us that Jealousy is related to two emotions–fear and anger. Fear of losing what we have and anger at whoever seems to be threatening to take it from us. In a society such as ours where the opportunity for cheating is ever present, it is jealous behavior which is the biggest threat to our relationships.

Every emotion that we have is connected to a reason. For example, we feel sad when we lose something that is important to us; we feel angry when we want someone to do something and they are not doing it. We feel jealous when we believe that a significant relationship is being threatened by a rival.

The purpose of jealous feelings is to prompt us to take action which reduces or eliminates that threat. Just as it would be extremely counterproductive to hit our boss when we are angry, or smash our computer when we are frustrated, so it also very damaging to try to forcibly control our partner or violently confront whoever we are jealous of.

While many people realize that they must not take such violent and coercive action, they have few skills for managing their feelings. The result is that they suppress their feelings. The jealousy still shows, the stress still grows, and their relationships are impacted never the less. The emotion must be positively dealt with or it will grow and spread like weeds on the front lawn. It won’t be long before our neighbors can see it too.

To effectively deal with jealousy, we must adopt a mindset which prevents jealousy from happening in the first place. As you read the following statements, write on a piece of paper any that you find difficult. These will be the ones you will need to work on with your relationship coach or counselor to reduce your jealousy.

IDEA #1. WE DO NOT OWN THE PERSON WE HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH:

*My partner is not my property.

*Someone could not steal me from him/her without my agreeing to it. So too, someone cannot steal him/her from me without him/her agreeing to it.

*He/She is an intelligent adult who has the capacity to make his/her own decisions about relationships.

*Just as I could leave him/her, so could he/she leave me.

IDEA #2. OTHER PEOPLE SHOULD BE ATTRACTED TO MY PARTNER:

*My partner is attractive to me. It is natural that other people will feel attracted to him/her as well.

*I don’t need to try to stop them from being attracted to him/her.

*My partner goes to great lengths to be attractive to me, to himself/herself, and for others. It would be strange if people were not attracted to him/her.

IDEA #3. THREATS TO MY RELATIONSHIP COME FROM WITHIN OUR RELATIONSHIP–NOT FROM WITHOUT

*Before my partner had a relationship with me, he/she had the same opportunity to be with other women/men as she does now. He/She decided to choose me and continues to do so each day.

*My partner chose me because he/she believed me to be a better partner for him/her than other women/men.

*Working on being a wonderful partner myself is the best way to protect our relationship, although it does not guarantee it.

It is our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world which prompt us to take the actions that we do. If, for example, we believe that we need to control our partner to protect our love relationship, then we will do it–even if it is self-destructive. It is also our beliefs which prompt us not to take action when action would be the best thing to do. If, for example, we do not love ourselves, it is hard to believe that others could really love us either. For that reason, many people spend most of their energy trying to protect themselves rather than to truly love their partner. Healthy relationships require us to change our unhealthy beliefs.

Learning to have a great relationship entails more than just what to do on a date or learning the best position for having sex. Great relationships are only possible when people overcome their insecurities; become the kind of person that they love; see, respect, and love their partner as they really are; and make the relationship part of the bigger picture of a great life.

The 3 Step Success Formula for Helping Others

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:10:15 +0000

William Winch asked:

The formula for success is not complicated. Get things done (that relate to your goals) by either doing them yourself, getting help, or helping others. Doing things yourself will get the job done the way you want it done, but the price to pay is your valuable time. Youc an only become as successful as your time allows. Most of those who have achieved outstanding success have done so by expanding their efforts through others. That means they didn’t do everything themselves. Giving help is a concept that is often overlooked. Although it may not seem like it in theory, you do become successful by helping others. Employees become successful when they help the company or their bosses. This works the same for the home based business owner who is his or her own boss already. I’ve narrowed this down to 3 simple rules. Follow them, and your on your way to success.

1. Remove All Negative Thought

Clear your mind of jealousy, envy and fear tha tothers will get ahead of you and reach your goals first. The worst that can happen if they do is that they will take you along with them. Don’t be envious of someone if they seem above you. Help them achieve and that same work ethic will rub off on the people you signed up into your business. You wouldn’t a friend to move forward and leave you behind just because you let your jealousy keep you at a distance. Your interest in helping them, however, must be genuine. To achieve a sincere attitude in helping others, do not use your own selfish gain as a driving force. I know this may not seem possible since your ultimate goal is for you, yourself, to succeed, but when you focus on people instead of money or position, your goals will begin to follow you. Also, do not help someone just because you think they will do something for you. You always want to take responsibility and credit for all that you do, and not be depend on someone else.

2. Expect Other People To Be Successful

A doctor who expects his/her patients to survive has a higher survival rate than doctors who take a pessimistic approach to practicing medicine. The coach who expects his team to win has a better season than the coach who doesn’t believe in his/her players. Are you getting the picture? We ultimately achieve and acquire all that we focus on, and if you want people to succeed then you will untilmately succeed with them. If you focus on how difficult a person is to work with, you’ll never make enough money to pay your bills. Your attitude comes across on the phone and to the people you speak with. These are the people who will make or break your business and your goals. Always hold in your mind the worthwhile characteristics of an individual and treat them accordingly. Always focus on what they can do. People will remember you for always complimenting them and they will think of you when it comes time to advance ahead.

3. Become A Talent Scout

Give encouragements to the people around you. Compliments will stimulate them to keep moving forward and make the best possible use of their talents. Always pointing out a person’s fault will ultimately make them feel as though they are always making mistakes, and they may give up. You don’t want to be the person they blame their failures for. Instead, be the person who helped them build a successful life. I had a job once where a co-worker only talked to me when he wanted to point out small mistakes I was making. He never offered one word of encouragement. When I was promoted to a manager and was asked to choose someone to assist me in my new position, you can be sure that I did not choose him. My decision was not made out of spite, but because I knew I did not want to work with someone who had a negative attitude to bring me down with. Be a talent scout and put your discoveries into words of encouragement. People will remember you for it.

These rules and concepts of helping others ultimately boil down to one thing. You must acquire the attitude of believing in others and have faith and confidence in their characteristics. If you do this, people will return the gift ten-fold, and they will enrich your life with friendship, joy, recognition and priceless contributions to your own success and happiness.

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How to Overcome Jealousy in Romantic Relationships

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 21:11:39 +0000

FRANCIS K GITHINJI asked:

May be you are too jealous but as you might have realized, it does not come by choice. It is a strong emotion which works you up to regrettable levels. May be you are the kind of a person that does very stupid things at the heat of the moment and you are left embarrassed. You might spot your lover with a prospectus boss, start hailing abuses and may be even get physical. This is a dangerous level which might drive your lover away from you unless it is kept in check. To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships in romantic relationships, you must first of all discover the root of the disturbing emotion. Did she cheat on you once? Does the other person shower him with overflowing favors? It will do you good if you understand the root of insecurity.

To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships in romantic relationships, learn how to handle competition. Attractive people are approached for dating all the time. Accept what you cannot change and walk around it. To remain top on the list you must be able to beat others who might be in competition for her/his love. Jealousy will only eat you up and leave you feeling bad, sad and unloved. Do not walk in the shadow of ignorance. If you do not reveal your jealousy, you will learn so much about your lover. He/she will voluntarily tell you about who is chasing after him or her but just with a light touch. Your reaction might determine what should be communicated to you in the future. If you are abreast with his/her admirers you are way step ahead because you have a chance to beat them before they start their game. To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships encourage openness in a relationship.

To overcome jealousy in romantic relationships, talk about it. When your lover knows that it is makes you uneasy when you are in a company of some people, he/she is a position to do a lot to save you the agony. She might start flirting with you when the company is around and may be the public show of affection will reduce your insecurity thus help you overcome jealousy in romantic relationships. She is best placed to assure you her love and take it a step further by announcing it to the whole world. Do not die with your feelings. Confess what your love for her is driving at. Chances are it will do you more good than harm. Off course when you declare your emotions it will be a sure sign of love and affection towards her.

Why i encourage communication is because some things we do as human beings are intentional. Your lover might be subjecting you to so much heartache in a mission to prove a thing. These are games lovers play. Some believe that a jealous lover is a true lover. Due to the rising levels of betrayal and malice in the dating scene, people are keen to look for real love. She might be raining praises about another gentleman just to watch your reaction. If you respond positively, the subjection stops and life continues. If you consider it a weakness and persevere you are subjected to more. Do not overcome jealousy in romantic relationships on your own. Involve your lover and you might even discover it was not your weakness after all.

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