My Relationship Tips asked:


What comes into your mind with the phrase “consumed with jealousy”? This civil and contemporary society would associate it with a person who is wasted away by too much jealousy that he can harm. In a funny way, say a soluble rock salt is placed in a solvent, (water) it will be dissolved until it is gone. In a relationship, when a man is consumed with jealousy, there are 1001 ways of anticipating the outcome of a relationship in various opinions. All in all, jealousy is simply dependent on a person’s mind-set.

But what is jealousy by the way? Jealousy is an emotional state where a person wants to have what the other person has and the desire to make it happen. An example is when a child gets jealous of the attention given by the parent to a physically incapacitated sibling. It is also the feeling when tends to draw it toward himself and to no one. An example of this is when a man admires a friend’s fiancée, he dreads the idea that the girl is giving his friend the love he could not have but he longs to divert that love to him alone. The feeling dwells within him for quite a while until it affects his thoughts and moods. It dominates to the point that it creates negative consequences.

The above example, if you will notice is a picture of the typical modern society as it has been declared by the common visual influence or social heredity of this generation that we commonly see in TVs, movies, papers, day to day experiences. Youngsters are either consumed or not by jealousy in a common love affair. There are ways to give it shallow reasoning, counseling, advice, and even self-help solution. As far as monogamous relationship is concerned, love jealousy is a fashion.

But it could give a simple twist if we talk about polygamous marriages like the way it is practiced by some marginalized cultures. When jealousy is a universal feeling of any human being, marital jealousy does not interfere with the functioning of polygamous society. They are never consumed by jealousy. It is strange and ironic that this group of people had been mind-set to a different face of life where they can give their women and daughter for noble reasons. In this case, social orientation has a power on human emotion. Jealousy in this culture lies in a different sublevel of the brain.

Well, what can we do, this is the working of the world, while we are just a piece of it…?

What about a common man consumed by jealousy? In the mainstream world today, there are not only one person getting jealous everyday, but most people. Jealousy is an emotion in which commonness rendered it as an insignificant happening of the days. It is oftentimes associated with insecurity and the loads of negative opinion dominating the reasoning. This emotion is oftentimes dipped in so many mixtures of other tendencies, which psychiatry and divorce courts are dealing with in small or dominating percentage. It is buried in every bits of relating.

While love is a very complex emotional involvement a human can indulge with, it is hard to figure out why it is a mixture of being selfless and at the same time spiced with some amounts of jealousy. That kind of situation is tolerable. When one is consumed by extreme jealousy, it will mean a symptom of a greater problem. It will give birth and attract other negative forces like anger, emptiness, worthlessness, discontentment, procrastination and many other depressive thinking. When one accepts jealousy as part of his love affair or a part of his loving, then it is habit forming. The brain is molded to provide a space for this emotion. A jealous person has a tendency to harm than to give comfort, and to some higher levels of uncontrollable state, it can cause violence and crime.

Jealousy is a part of the world’s social living that will never go away, as it is an emotional state. But it can be controlled if one believes on the capacity of the mind to set an individual influence to it. If sexual jealousy rarely exists in polygamous society, then, why will a common man be consumed by jealousy?

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Jane Straus asked:


Dear Jane,

How can I let go of resentment towards my mother for being thin and lose weight myself?

I wanted to answer this question because, even if weight is not everyone’s issue, resentment and jealousy torture most of us at one time or another.

Jealousy is an indicator that we believe someone else has something that we cannot attain. We may experience jealousy about someone’s looks, their financial status, their popularity/success, or their personal life. But it all comes down to the belief that we can’t have what they have.

Why would we believe this unless we didn’t think we were equally deserving? So jealousy helps us recognize that we are feeling unworthy in some way. And unworthiness is the bottom line issue for almost all of us. The good news is that it’s curable.

To heal it, we have to change the question from, “How do I get what so-and-so has?” to “How do I get that I am worthy?” What I talk about in my book, Enough Is Enough!, is that we won’t necessarily wake up one morning with a belief in our own worthiness. Like any other belief, it takes repetition and practice to “get it.”

So how do you let go of resentment towards your mother for being thin and lose weight yourself? How do you get that you are worthy of having the body you desire?

Before eating or before opportunities to exercise, you ask what I believe is the most healing question you can pose:

“If I knew my worthiness in this moment, what would I do?”

Whether we want to lose weight or experience more love, success, or happiness, I recommend asking yourself this question at least ten times a day every day. You will find that as your sense of self-worth grows, you will suffer less from jealousy and resentment.

Create a video blog…instantly.

Marylin Stompler asked:


Losing weight is not just about being on a diet or working out as proven by the large number of unsuccessful diets and workout programs. First, you need to discover the many M.E.S.S. blocks (Mental, Emotional, Subconscious, and Spiritual blocks) that prevent you from losing weight and then let them go. These M.E.S.S. blocks are distorted beliefs, thoughts, or fears that prevent your weight loss. If you do not get rid of these M.E.S.S. blocks, you will keep having an extremely hard time losing weight and, if you succeed, you will always regain the weight.

There is so much jealousy in this world that if you are too attractive, the people around you may become jealous, and you could end up with friends who drag you down, or with no friends at all.

If you lose a lot of weight, many people around you will most likely be happy that you lost the weight, but some of them will also be jealous and intimidated by your new good looks. When you make positive changes, your spirit rises and you will not connect as well with family members, friends, and peers if they stay the same.

Your family, friends, and peers may not be comfortable with the new “thin” you because they do not know how to handle you, and, honestly, they may not be comfortable with the fact that you are thin and they are not. Of course, they will not have the guts nor the desire to let you know that they don’t like the new thin you. Instead, they will often criticize you and try to bring you back to where they are, that is, to once more become overweight. If you return to your overweight state of being, they will be able to relate to you and to be comfortable with you again but most of all they will feel better about themselves.

So, you need to be ready for this lack of support and to stand up for what you worked hard to achieve. You need to feel that you deserve 100 % to be thin so that you do not reverse back to your original overweight state. Often, we opt to remain overweight to avoid jealousy and maintain peace with our family members, friends, and peers. We decide to remain fat to maintain peace. How sad…

I strongly advise you to let go of this M.E.S.S. block, put yourself first, be ready to let go of friends and peers who do not support your life successes, and surround yourself with new friends who fully support the new you.

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Jane Straus asked:

Dear Jane,

How can I let go of resentment towards my mother for being thin and lose weight myself?

I wanted to answer this question because, even if weight is not everyones issue, resentment and jealousy torture most of us at one time or another.

Jealousy is an indicator that we believe someone else has something that we cannot attain. We may experience jealousy about someones looks, their financial status, their popularity/success, or their personal life. But it all comes down to the belief that we cant have what they have.

Why would we believe this unless we didnt think we were equally deserving? So jealousy helps us recognize that we are feeling unworthy in some way.

The question changes from, How do I get what so-and-so has? to How do I get that I am worthy? What I talk about in my book, Enough Is Enough!, is that we wont necessarily wake up one morning with a belief in our own worthiness. Like any other belief, it takes repetition and practice to get it.

So how do you let go of resentment towards your mother for being thin and lose weight yourself? How do you get that you are worthy of having the body you desire?

Before eating or before opportunities to exercise, you ask what I believe is the most healing question you can pose:

If I knew my worthiness in this moment, what would I do?

Whether we want to lose weight or experience more love, success, or happiness, I recommend asking yourself this question at least ten times a day every day. You will find that as your sense of self-worth grows, you will suffer less from jealousy and resentment.

Create a video blog…instantly.