Jane Straus asked:


Dear Jane,

How can I let go of resentment towards my mother for being thin and lose weight myself?

I wanted to answer this question because, even if weight is not everyone’s issue, resentment and jealousy torture most of us at one time or another.

Jealousy is an indicator that we believe someone else has something that we cannot attain. We may experience jealousy about someone’s looks, their financial status, their popularity/success, or their personal life. But it all comes down to the belief that we can’t have what they have.

Why would we believe this unless we didn’t think we were equally deserving? So jealousy helps us recognize that we are feeling unworthy in some way. And unworthiness is the bottom line issue for almost all of us. The good news is that it’s curable.

To heal it, we have to change the question from, “How do I get what so-and-so has?” to “How do I get that I am worthy?” What I talk about in my book, Enough Is Enough!, is that we won’t necessarily wake up one morning with a belief in our own worthiness. Like any other belief, it takes repetition and practice to “get it.”

So how do you let go of resentment towards your mother for being thin and lose weight yourself? How do you get that you are worthy of having the body you desire?

Before eating or before opportunities to exercise, you ask what I believe is the most healing question you can pose:

“If I knew my worthiness in this moment, what would I do?”

Whether we want to lose weight or experience more love, success, or happiness, I recommend asking yourself this question at least ten times a day every day. You will find that as your sense of self-worth grows, you will suffer less from jealousy and resentment.

Create a video blog…instantly.

Ron Zvagelsky asked:


Jealousy is often regarded as the green-eyed monster. Indeed, it may be true considering that once a person is caught in its web, he or she is turned from a normal and loving individual into an enraged and delusional creature.

Couples in a relationship are especially more susceptible to jealousy attacks, although everyone has, at one time or another, been guilty of being jealous. The important thing to remember is that jealousy can be overcome. What you need to figure out is, first, how to recognize the signs and admit to yourself that you have a problem. Once you’ve acknowledged that you’re being affected by it, you need to find out how to deal with it and in the process prevent yourself from falling under its spell again.

How do you know when jealousy rears its ugly head?
Jealousy flares up when one partner feels insecure or threatened either by a real or an imagined threat. It is oftentimes considered normal to feel a little bit of jealousy over something real. Jealousy in small doses is pretty normal as it results from your feeling of inadequacy when compared to someone or something better. For instance, you may have that feeling when a good-looking woman (or man) comes up to your partner. This situation may sometimes bring self-esteem issues to the fore. However, when you assume something more than what seems to be only a passing acquaintance, then you’re in danger of feeding your distrust and paranoia and may ultimately lead you to extreme fits of jealousy.

Another condition when a person becomes a prisoner of jealousy is when he/she has been deceived in a previous relationship and still harbors some feeling of distrust towards the opposite sex. You may recognize this person as a perfect candidate for jealousy when he/she becomes too interested in your activities to the point that he/she constantly checks-up on you, is always suspicious of friends and people you deal with on a regular basis, and sometimes, even goes through your personal stuff.

Dealing with the Green-Eyed Monster
In order to successfully keep the jealousy monster under control you have to search your feelings to try and find out the underlying cause of your jealousy. When your partner looks at another, do you feel that you’re going to lose him/her? Do you believe that he’s devoting too much time to another instead of you? When you ask yourself these questions, you will be able to determine the intensity of your jealousy and realize that if you’re behaving irrationally then the problem might lie with you.

Sometimes, it’s simply your perception of yourself that seems to be the problem. If you constantly find something wrong with yourself every time that you look in a mirror, then it may be time to correct it. Sometimes, a simple change like a haircut, or a change in wardrobe may be the solution. If you feel the need to alter your appearance through modern cosmetic surgery, then go for it, as long as you believe that doing so may boost your self-esteem and give you back your self-confidence. The key here is to change the way you view yourself in your mind.

Talking to your partner about your apprehensions may also help. You may set some rules on behavior at the onset of the relationship and commit to them. This will establish the foundation for trust between the two of you. If at any time, one of you makes a mistake, keep the communication lines open, keep an open mind and discuss the situation. Trust will develop and flourish as the relationship grows.

You also have to learn to control your emotions and confront your fears and suspicions in a rational manner. Remember that jealousy can affect everyone. You have to value the effort you and your partner have both put into your relationship. There may be a chance that your assumptions may be baseless. You wouldn’t want to ruin a good relationship if you let your jealousy control you.

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Jane Straus asked:

Dear Jane,

How can I let go of resentment towards my mother for being thin and lose weight myself?

I wanted to answer this question because, even if weight is not everyones issue, resentment and jealousy torture most of us at one time or another.

Jealousy is an indicator that we believe someone else has something that we cannot attain. We may experience jealousy about someones looks, their financial status, their popularity/success, or their personal life. But it all comes down to the belief that we cant have what they have.

Why would we believe this unless we didnt think we were equally deserving? So jealousy helps us recognize that we are feeling unworthy in some way.

The question changes from, How do I get what so-and-so has? to How do I get that I am worthy? What I talk about in my book, Enough Is Enough!, is that we wont necessarily wake up one morning with a belief in our own worthiness. Like any other belief, it takes repetition and practice to get it.

So how do you let go of resentment towards your mother for being thin and lose weight yourself? How do you get that you are worthy of having the body you desire?

Before eating or before opportunities to exercise, you ask what I believe is the most healing question you can pose:

If I knew my worthiness in this moment, what would I do?

Whether we want to lose weight or experience more love, success, or happiness, I recommend asking yourself this question at least ten times a day every day. You will find that as your sense of self-worth grows, you will suffer less from jealousy and resentment.

Create a video blog…instantly.

Mark Goodworthy asked:


Time has flown by so fast and many things have changed. Lives of people have become so fast-paced that somehow things like love and happiness have taken a backseat to career, business or money. Communications are centered not on how to foster relationships but on how to make the money tree grow.

Because of this, quite a lot of things have been taken for granted and people are slowly shying away from emotions that are the core of living. As a result, many feelings are harbored inside and these include regret, resentment and even the lurking green-eyed monster, jealousy.

This purely negative feeling that is known as jealousy is not only limited to your insane urge to grab at the hair of the woman your husband or boyfriend has been seeing behind your back. Jealousy could also be applied to the feelings of resentment that you have over the promotion of your colleague or your husband. It is also your inability to express your anger over why your husband treats your kid with more respect than he does you.

For those who are under the spell of this green-eyed monster, jealousy is a feeling that devastates them to the core and even results in them feeling great extent of anguish and pain. However, jealousy will not only affect the people who feel it, but also the people who surround them. Even if they try their hardest to hide their jealousy, it will always come out by the way they treat the people around them and how they will just allow it to ruin lives and relationships.

The basic approach to overcoming jealousy is knowing the reason behind it and understanding why it is happening. Usually, jealousy boils down to low self-esteem, insecurities and even huge love for a partner. While it is really great to love your partner so much, remember that anything that borders on the extreme is also bad and could just lead to hurt and devastation. Low self-esteem and insecurities are also two components of jealousy that should be gotten rid of.

If you are really intent on seeking help for your jealous tendencies, then maybe you could ask a hypnotherapist to treat you. Through hypnosis, your therapist will be able to go beyond the barriers that are keeping you from thinking positive thoughts. He will be able to delve into the negative blocks that are lodged in your subconscious and ease them out until you will be free of them. Once this happens, you are already able to overcome the lowness of your self-esteem as well as break away from your insecurities.

Then, all your jealous feelings will just fly out the window. Once the green-eyed monster is gone, you will finally be able to foster a relationship that is based on confidence and trust and be free from the anguish of always doubting.

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